Embracing Impermanence in Eating Disorder Recovery: A Buddhist-Informed Perspective for Queer Folks7/2/2025
I first encountered Zen Buddhism almost a decade ago, but it wasn’t until I lived in a monastic community in Santa Fe, New Mexico that I really understood what it meant to sit with impermanence. For a year and a half, I spent my days in silence, staring at a wall with my eyes open, noticing how everything shifted - light moving across the floor, breath changing in its depth, birdsong coming and going. That time left an impact on me, and it still shapes how I show up in the world, especially in my work with folks navigating eating disorder recovery.
Zen Buddhism doesn’t offer quick fixes or neat answers, but it teaches us to be comfortable in the stillness. We learn to notice the small changes, and to trust that no matter how sharp, painful, or disorienting any experience is, it's going to change. Even when things feel overwhelming, we can look to physics, nature, and the world around us, to know that things are ever-changing and transforming. For me, that truth has become one of the most supportive tools I bring into sessions with clients. How Is Impermanence Relevant to Eating Disorder Recovery? Impermanence is not something that’s often spoken about in eating disorder recovery, but it’s a concept that underpins so much of the healing process I see in my clients’ experience. One of the hardest things about recovery, especially in a body that’s been at war with itself, can be the belief that the current state of things is forever. That the way you feel after a meal, the anxiety of trying something new or the discomfort in your skin will always be this way. But it won’t. That’s not how any of this works. In Buddhism, impermanence is one of the core truths of being alive. Everything moves. Everything changes. Even when it doesn’t feel like it. And when we start to notice even the tiniest shifts, that’s when we start building trust that we’re capable of moving through things. Sitting Still to Witness Change In Zen meditation (zazen), we sit still with eyes open to allow us to stay with what’s happening around us. That might sound simple, but when your mind is loud, your emotions are intense, or your body feels like a battleground, it can be very challenging. However, the more you stay, the more you realize that nothing stays the same. That each time you take a breath, something changes slightly. It might not be an enormous shift and you may not suddenly feel okay, but it’s a change and that’s what provides us with hope. You may notice yourself getting tired, you may become aware of an ache in your body, you might see the sun move across the wall. Sitting still in the moment teaches us that change is always happening, even if it's subtle. And when we bring that lens into recovery, it becomes a powerful way to relate to discomfort, urges, shame, and fear. How Impermanence Shows Up in Client Sessions I’ve had sessions where someone comes in feeling completely overwhelmed. Whilst that can be a difficult place to be, I never try to fix it right away. Instead, I encourage my clients to pause, notice, and at some point, when we’re not realising it, something shifts. Not everything, but enough to make space and to recognise the change. Enough to recognise that this moment is hard, but it’s not forever. A really important thing to note is that it’s not about denying what’s real. Instead, it’s about reminding ourselves that what’s real right now won’t always feel the same. That if we take time to recognise what’s going on, to dig deeper and to commit to supporting ourselves, things will become more bearable. Small Shifts Are Still Shifts I often say, if you were overwhelmed when the session started and now you feel 2% less overwhelmed, that matters. Our bodies and emotions are not static, which means there's always a possibility for change. It also helps in moments of intense physical discomfort. If you’re feeling uncomfortable in a certain outfit or bloated after a meal, it’s worth naming that discomfort while also wondering if you can gently shift your focus. Maybe you can focus on the world around you or a memory from a happy time. Not forever, just for this moment. Then come back and check in later and see what’s changed to remind yourself nothing lasts forever. Final Thoughts Impermanence isn’t about only having positive thoughts or pretending things don’t hurt. Eating disorder recovery is challenging, and there will be both good and bad days. It’s not about telling yourself to “just wait it out”, but about holding space for the fact that things can change, and that you are already changing. This path isn’t easy. But it’s real. And if you're here, reading this, you’re already in motion and I’m so pleased to have you with me. If you’re looking for support that makes room for nuance, for change, for the messiness of being human in a world that demands perfection, I’m here. Feel free to drop me a message [here]. Comments are closed.
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